I saw them both on Sean Hannity and I wanted to draw them. My brain is so tired.
I should take typing lessons again. I really enjoy them. It releases stress. Only I do stuff like that for fun. I do, for entertainment. I mean what else, right? I am such a nerd. I feel sorry for myself sometimes. I go through so much wanting to be a cartoonist and there is so much coming at me. My mind is so fragile. Just one argument can have lasting effects on my energy. I have to keep my mind positive. I cant find myself in the bottom of a spiral. I have many ideas. But first I should draw. It takes practice to type. Typing is not easy skill. Without looking at the keyboard. Its way faster. It helps me loosen up.
I have many new ideas. I cant keep checking out like this for days. Its not my will. I get so overwhelmed.
But my new idea is to change the way I think about everything. So I been making lists in my head. Ocd that I am.
I mean, I am going to stop being pretty. I have done that for so long and it takes from me, this vanity and high maintenance. I have not had guests in decade. I dont have to dress up for anyone. No reason to. I havent spoken to anyone new since my sisters wedding last summer. I am totally isolated in the woods. I hate it. I am not a country person. I am with the person who most challenges me, the easiest, he accepts everything, and yet the hardest, he loves only his work. We are paired up for the obstacles I am sure of the lesson. Maybe I am the genius I look for, seek in others. Anyways, he hates makeup high heels and dresses. I should too. Why dress up why be pretty. It takes from me. Yes, alot of time, makeup and pollution, because I cant afford organic makeup.
I can use all the crazy dieting energy also. I cant get rid of my slight desire to be skinny. Slight orthorexia, which would be ok if I want to be hot. But I think I no longer want to be. I want all of that energy ..Transmuted into my cartoons.
I also am gonna give up the goth stuff. Its too heavy. It takes from my cartooing. Hours I spend listening to Bauhaus when I could just watch some trump news. Takes from my energy. So does vanity. I will have more time to think of jokes. I am getting ready for 2020..I need to produce daily and be spotless. No more 20 screenshots with every cartoon.. in my own words I can explain how I get the joke. There is more of me content.
Also, no videos for my cartoons. It takes too much. Maybe maybe if I have stuff I should make video of everything on my phone before I delete my entire phone just for backup or to ask donations. My job isnt to explain to dumb men how I got my cartoon idea. If they dont get it, they havent read the news and I want news junkies. So I just post a cartoon and my words. That should save alot of time.
Also, every news item i find interesting on drudge. I have to send to my dad. I should stop do that. How old am I? I dont need to waste time trying to win the one I cant quite get approval from. Not enough, never is. He will never be impressed I feel.
I think of Matt Drudge. He keeps all activities narrow to his field. He is one good worker. and If you did what he did you would be rich too. Only doing headlines. He isnt doing videos. or posting on media. He is saving it all for the headlines. I should do this with my political cartoons. My new plan.
As little as possible. I cannot argue with anyone. My plan is to always look for the will or the light. I meditated one hour today. I learn you dont meditate on your goal. You clear your mind and what you want the most appears and hummms. You dont pick it, it picks you. So I need to be faster on my drawing also. Nothing too fancy. Only watch tutorials, also I need to limit my news. I could be scouring the news daily for days and get no idea. How I get an idea if I dont have one. I start drawing a good portrait I get in the news. Forst one that gets my attention. Just sketch it, to loosen up. Usually my cartoon been showing up later. almost as if my unknowing mind drawing it itself.
I have connections to all sorts of time wasters. I am not looking for a mate anymore. I am looking for my own career and I understand it takes years to become a professional. I would like to work at home. I would like childcare. I would like 4 hours a day undisturbed.
I cant let anyone lying to me get to me. I cant let my kids get to me. Always take time for them. My rule. If they bug me. I cant let money issues. Baby daddy is rich. I get nothing. I just get a roof over my head and organic food. I got to start working, a schedule. Something. I cant just do nothing. I cant. I have to listen to one news show a day to feel secure I know the days news. Or 5 articles Drudge sped read at any moment. I cant waste days scrolling mindlessly. I need to put thought into this. Its baby steps.
Most important. I have to draw, Even if I cant lift a finger. I have to. Thats it. I can get everything done is 3 hours if I rush or am in the zone. 4 hours is good to relax. I would love to livetream, but that takes from my cartoons. Everything not cartooning does. I am not half cartoonist half superstar radio star like a certain B. Garrison. But when I do get invited to call in radio show which is daily.
Which takes time from me,
But since its news.
I should just BE MYSELF and not stress out ABOUT ANYTHING. I am such a perfectionist even going on a radio show I have to prepare for hours. Its very hard for me to do. But I should do this, to force myself to engage on the news. Every day almost I get an invite to be a caller in. Politics radio station. Its usually a short thing or question I have for the guests, Plus I REALLY LOVE the hosts. I do. Its super hard finding people you resonate with, who also like Trump. So I am gonna keep that. And water it. Make an effort.
Also, my brain hurts. It physically hurts. I working on this. I stress too much. I need CBD oil. high doses. I accidentally added some THC into it. And damn that messes me up. But when I take it, I feel so good. I have to stop with the thc oil. It just knocks me out. CBD is the fun part of marijuana.
When I eat raw vegan, I feel so good. But I hate stressing out about food, which takes from my cartoons. Keeping that in mind. I should stay a raw vegan. I cant draw without it. I cannot think when I got a two day digestion thing going and I look like I have a pot belly. It takes from my cartoons feeling ugly bloated too. I hate cooked food always have. Tesla also, never ate his food cooked. I like it raw. Its super hard here no access to food choice. But I been getting alot of fruit and salad lately Plus my garden. So I will keep that habit. Its very hard when you are hungry so I should make more smoothies.
My patreons I have to force a relationship with. I used to think it takes from my cartoons…but no, but it helps. It helps when you have people rooting for you and that you convinced you are gonna be famous one day cartooning positive Trump Cartoons. So I keep that. For a while. I was getting too involved with my patreons. Playing Minecraft with them.
That takes too. Time energy. JUJU.
So ALL I am gonna do. Is political Cartoons minimal screensaving. I just draw from my phone. I dont have to upload it to the computer. That takes time too. I use my phone to browse the news. I am used to it. I only recently been able to afford internet. And this month I have not been. But Baby Daddy said he would pay it. 50 dollars. I dont think he meant it. And I wasted a week waiting. Well. I can think of another way to pay it. He is a genius and, its not that he isnt sharing. Its how his mind works. All his money and time, are on his work. He will use any money, for experiments he does. Its just how he thinks.
I thought and thought about these things. Keeping me from cartooning. Excuses. I need the bare minimum energy wasted to get out one cartoon a day without fail. I have to strip my brain. I have to change my online friends. Like my dad. I dont have to text him all day. I should let him lead his life. My habits. If I want to make it. I have to. They take my time away. Now. I would like a better friendship than with my dad. I would, I want a male friend. To think for me. I cant do it anymore. I cant. It hurts. I want platonic friendship. With someone I look up to. I cannot gossip anymore. I just got to talk about my cartoon and that is it. I get used to this. Just because I did something in the past, doesnt mean I should take it up again. I should find new things.
I should give up my lust for fine things. I should. Just be happy with my cartoons. It will help my focus.
Also its impossible to know everything on the news. Its impossible. Even Matt Drudge doesnt know everything. There is a story he may have missed maybe. Its haunts him. Like me too. So if I just pick out one headline and focus on that and do a cartoon. I done my job.
Also, if I dont have an idea, just draw. And dont worry about it being this or that, its a enjoy process. The process unfolds itself to me.
I love to write I miss it. I would love to be a diarist but that time came and went and it was fun.
I should also always post to patreon first. Also, sometimes whats pretty to most is ugly to me I have a very strange aesthetic. So I should find what is pretty, come to me. Because I dont know sometimes. I should let these cartoons unfold themselves to me.
Also